In moments of calm or quiet, I am drawn to my comfy couch to read. I have a hard time reading novels. I love to read them, and I do read them from time to time, but I have difficulty lending my time to them. Lately I’ve been reading this book here and there, and every time I retreat to my comfy couch to read, I am excited to read this one.
It’s a book about Marjorie Pay Hinckley, the wife of the late prophet Gordon B. Hinckley. He was the prophet while I was growing up, and oh how I admired this sweet couple! It has been interesting and all the while inspiring to catch glimpses into the life and heart of Sister Hinckley. When I read it, I come away feeling uplifted, encouraged, inspired, and refreshed. She’s refreshing, I guarantee it. It helps me put everyday life in the right perspective. Sounds like a great book huh? Maybe you will read it too. 🙂
But if you don’t ever get to it, I want to share just a few quotes from the chapter on motherhood and the one before that. Some are pieces of advice, some are just encouraging. I feel like similar things would be said by my own mother or mother-in-law, but I don’t have many of their words in writing.
So often when I read these I think, “Yes! Thank you. I feel better now,” or “That’s a great idea, I think I’ll try to do that more.” Perhaps you will too.
“We have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove anything, to be what we are.” p.75
“Jewish women have a wonderful way of bidding each other goodbye. They say, “Have joy in your children.” And so I say to you, “Have joy in your mothering,” whether you are the mother, the aunt, the grandmother, the next-door neighbor. We all have the opportunity to be an influence for good.” p.52
“I think I felt something of your frustration and challenge to be the perfect mother. Relax. There is no such thing as the perfect mother who fits all the eulogies. We just do the best we can with the help of the Lord, and who knows, these children who are struggling to be free may someday rise up and call us blessed.” p.61
“The trick is to enjoy it. Don’t wish away your days of caring for young children. This is your great day. Sometimes we get so caught up in the physical work and trivia that we forget the big picture. We forget whose children they really are. When the house is filled with children, noise and teasing, and laughter, you get the feeling this is forever. Before you know it they will be gone. When our second son went away to school at the age of seventeen, I said, ‘But Clark, I am not through with you. I feel there is so much I will need to teach you.’ ‘Too late, Mother, too late.’ Our children grow so quickly out of our reach.” p. 61
“Praise your children more than you correct them. Praise them for even their smallest achievement.” (Quoting the prophet Ezra Taft Benson) p. 57
When in doubt, “save the relationship.” p.56
Kathleen Hinckley talking about learning from her mother in law: “You have to trust children. I tried hard never to say “no” if I could possibly say “yes.” I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could.” p. 55
“Children rise higher when they are treated with respect.” p.53
“We have a great responsibility to our children. Find joy in them. Don’t over schedule them or yourself.” p.75
“The rewards of mothering are not immediate. There are times when you are less than appreciated. I took from the oven one day what I thought was a beautiful casserole, only to have my six-year-old son say, ‘Mom, how come you baked the garbage?’ Then there is the unexpected hug, when you least deserve it. And while you are enjoying these days of mothering, be sure that your demands on your children for perfection are not so heavy that they cannot be children. ” p.61
And this last one that I want to share, I really appreciated.
One of Marjorie’s daughters shared a story of when she was young and they had a program at school in the lunchroom. All the children sat in chairs waiting for their mothers to arrive. She watched the mothers walk in, and noticed that the mother that came in before her own “was wearing spiked heels and a darling dress and had all of this foofy hair.” She said she looked young and beautiful. Then she looked up to see her mother come through the same door. She remembered, “With that instant juxtaposition, I will never forget the flood of security and happiness I felt when I saw her–no foofy hair or spiked heels, not very young or very beautiful, dressed in her typically tidy housedress. There was a warm, comfortable feeling and the thought clear as neon: ‘Oh I’m so glad that my mother looks like a real mother! Whatever would a person do if her only mother wore darling dresses and had painted fingernails?'”
When I think of my own mother, I don’t think about the way she looks. I could consider her soft, youthful skin, or her kind, comforting eyes. She is lovely and beautiful, yes, but mostly I too feel a warmth, a reassurance even when I think about her. She is beautiful because she is my mother. That’s comforting to me because often I see pretty faces, pretty clothes, and pretty houses, and I wonder if I should be doing more to be like that. In my head I know it’s not necessary, but the draw to compare and leave yourself trailing behind is so easy.
The reality is, I am trying my best to be real, and kind and nurturing. And I love my kids with everything I’ve got. That’s all it takes to be beautiful to them, and that’s all I have to be.
Didn’t you just love these messages from Marjorie Hinckley? I feel encouraged by her and I don’t even know her personally! It’s worth reading the whole book. Some day I may feel seasoned enough to give mothering advice, but for now I am very much on the receiving end. And I’m ok with that.