I made chili today. Warm, hearty chili. It’s been quite cold lately, more cold than I like autumn to be, but that’s ok because every year is different and maybe this week will be warmer.
Jake worked late so it was just the three of us. Hyrum spread the chili through his hair and down his shirt, so I put him in the sink to rinse off. He LOVES the sink–filling and dumping cups of water is his thing.
I sat at the kitchen table next to Ava with a towel on my lap while she hummed and drew our family picture. She’s been drawing lots of family pictures lately, of owls and flowers and robots and trees. It’s one of my favorite things.
Ava drew a little owl baby in my owl tummy. The past few months Ava has been praying for more brothers and sisters. We’ve been praying for that too, for what seems like a long time. But, as we have seen with Ava & Hyrum, Heavenly Father sends them when the time is right. We do what we can to get things in order, and then we wait on Him.
When we told Ava the news a few weeks back, her face lit up and she smiled so big. She seemed so happy. Ever since, she has prayed for the baby to grow strong and healthy and not get “losed” in every prayer she says. She has faith, that’s why she does it.
Still, in those first few days, I didn’t know what to feel. I’m still kind of that way. I think I’ve been guarding my heart these first few weeks, kind of holding my breath, not wanting to fully embrace it in case it doesn’t work out. Pregnancy is hard that way. It seems even harder when you’ve been waiting so long. I’ve been holding onto the faith that Heavenly Father is in control of all this. Whatever happens will be His will, and I know His will is good. I’m still very happy. Happy and so excited.
Days after that first positive test, I took more tests just to see that second line one more time. That is such a happy, special thing for me.
I’m somewhere around eight weeks I think. I have my first appointment on Tuesday. I’m hoping to get an ultrasound too –really really hoping. I just want to see that heartbeat, to see that life that is really there and still growing inside me. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks, with no hint of it. The ultrasound showed an empty sac, the baby probably stopped growing around 6 weeks. I don’t like thinking that that could happen this time, but I also have this feeling that it won’t. As much as I’m trying to tuck away my emotions with this one, I have a feeling, maybe you’d call it hope, that everything’s going to be ok.
So I’m going to keep on hoping and eating saltines and admiring my growing belly (yes it is very much growing, in fact I think it inflated the moment I found out I was pregnant. Darn bloating.)
So all is well here and I am happy.
