Ava fell asleep on me today, the second time in a week (I love it.) This time she asked me to read her stories from the Friend magazine, and in one part there was a song, “Away in a Manger,” so I sang it to her. As I sang, I could feel her body get heavier as she lay there on my chest. By the second verse, her breathing became deeper, and by the third verse sure enough her eyes were closed. It felt so good to hold her so close to me. And I was grateful that she wanted to be there, that she always wants to be so close.
Lately, I have been getting on her case a lot, particularly for the way she treats Hyrum at times. Much of the time she is very caring, responsible, and loving. And she loves to care for her little brother. But then there are the many times when she makes him cry. And when she doesn’t listen to me when I tell her to stop, it’s like something breaks loose in me. I didn’t think I had much of an angry side until she turned three. So many times recently I am kneeling down by her, holding her in my arms and asking for her forgiveness for my lack of patience. For my anger. For my unkindness. And seemingly without a second thought, she lifts her head, wraps her arms around my neck, and jumps into my lap, smiling. So we talk. And we decide we both are going to do better next time.
But a few days ago, I realized I needed to do more. For her.
In my recent prayers, I have been asking for guidance. This girl has such a strong will, and I am struggling to know how to channel it without putting up walls that only make her more upset. The other day, I realized that I need to take more time to teach her why, and let her govern her own choices (to a certain extent of course.) Last night when tucking her in bed, I handed her her pink water bottle, and she immediately cried, “No I wanted a sippy cup!” She was like a wave gathering momentum, ready to crash with a whining fit, and I was quietly reminded to be patient, to take the time to teach her. So I sat on her bed next to her, and I told her how I had just spent the last 40 minutes washing dishes by hand, and how I really didn’t want to wash another bottle because I was tired and I still had things I needed to do. I asked her why she wanted a sippy cup instead of her water bottle, and then (nicely) asked if she would use her pink water bottle for tonight because it would really help me. Not wanting to back down, she still said that she wanted her sippy cup, so I told her that I would go downstairs and get it for her. I left her room, and just as I started heading downstairs I heard her yell, “Stop!” When I came back into the room, I asked if she wanted her pink water bottle back, and she nodded slowly, and smiled. So I hugged her and thanked her for making a good choice, and as I left her room I said a little prayer of thanks for helping me make a good choice too.