where are my angels?

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I haven’t been feeling well. Nausea, fatigue, and headaches, combined with a messy house that keeps getting messier because I don’t have the energy to keep up, tummies that empty multiple times a day and need to be filled, and little ones that need lots of love and attention…

This week has been hard. Jake has been gone a lot with work and his church calling and other good things. I’ve had a migraine-like headache all day the past two days, and I’m struggling to keep my head up.

I read something today that mentioned Sunday was a good day to reflect on our blessings. I think I should do that now.

Today. Hyrum’s fevers are gone, and he slept better last night. He didn’t even get out of bed when I put him in his bed for the night. Ava has been so helpful, really trying to help me feel better. Yesterday she drew me a picture, and today she made me a present with her ponies and horse bean bag in it. She prays for me every day that I will feel better. In fact, she prays for everyone that they will get better, and never misses a night praying for the babies that they will grow strong and healthy. She has the biggest heart and really tries to help out. In the mornings when she and Hyrum wake up early, she takes him into the playroom to watch a movie, eat bananas, and play. They have their squabbles, but they also play really well together. She loves him a lot, so I’m grateful for that. It is also so fun to watch them, these sweet, adorable children that we get to have a part of our family.

I’m grateful that we still had leftovers in the fridge today. Glad I was able to finally clean the playroom and vacuum the family room last night so we could play in a clean space today. Grateful the kids didn’t make too many messes (or at least really messy messes.) Grateful we had the whole day to relax and play, not worrying about tasks, cleaning, or to-do lists. Sundays are such a gift that way. Grateful when Jake came home. He always comes home happy, and it makes us all happy.

Also, we read books tonight before bed. The kids love reading books, and I love reading to them, so I’m grateful for that.

Feeling better already.

One more thing.

I read a quote today that I had saved on my phone. Occasionally I’ll screenshot a quote I like that is posted on social media or wherever and keep it saved on my phone after emptying my pictures. I came across this one today while I was flipping through my phone.

“We need never feel we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. The Savior has promised angels on our left and on our right to bear us up, and He always keeps His word.” -Henry B. Eyring

When I read that, I wondered how I have been in the Lord’s service lately, or have I? I certainly feel like I haven’t been able to do much of anything lately with the way I’ve been feeling. Then I thought about my children, and how if nurturing them from the family room couch half the time day after day was all I could do, it would be just the kind of service He needed from me. It would be enough.

But where are my angels? This week has been hard. Today has been hard, and I have spent the last hour and a half trying to get my kids to stay in bed–reading, rocking, tickling backs, bringing in snacks, carrying them back to bed over and over. Where are my angels bearing me up in all of this? I’m really struggling here. Please send those angels, please help me get my children to sleep.

With that prayer and that plea, I walked back into Hyrum’s room for the twentieth (or so) time, scooped him up from where he stood by the door, and brought him into our room where Ava was tucked into our bed. “Hyrum is going to sleep with you here in your bed, but only if you both go right to sleep, no talking or playing now.” She agreed and cuddled right up to him, surely happy to have him there with her. We have them separated at bedtime because usually they play and get out of bed over and over and have a hard time settling down. Tonight was different though, they were both ready to settle down (it had been long enough.)

But I also believe my angels were there. Maybe Ava was that little angel, helping to comfort her brother and settle him to sleep. Or maybe they had angels comforting the two of them, wrapping their unseen arms around them, filling them with so much love that they couldn’t help but feel so content to sleep. However it was, my prayer was answered and they both went right to sleep. So I’m really grateful for that too.

Feel the Summer!

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We went on a walk today. Hyrum sat squished in the stroller with his puffy orange coat while I pushed him along with my dry-skinned, cold stiffened fingers and my aching ears. Meanwhile, our bright eyed four year old pedaled behind with her gold sequined boots and her freshly pumped tires yelling, “Feel the summer!”

Clearly while I was thinking about the relentless cold seeping through my clothes, she was rejoicing in the kiss of the sun on our backs and the clear sky above.

Thank you Ava, for reminding me to feel the summer in the midst of the cold. The sun is always there, even when we may not feel it.

*On that note… Jake and I have been watching the series “Human Planet” on Netflix and I never want it to end. It is FASCINATING. I could go on, but let’s just leave it as “highly recommended.” Anyway, in one of the episodes, it shows the way people live at high altitudes in the mountains. This one older lady lived blind for a few years, fetching her water barefoot along the cliffs of her village (along with all her other daily duties.) She received the gift of her sight after a charitable doctor performed a cataract surgery. Upon removing her bandages and walking the many miles back to her humble home she remarked, “This is the end of my problems.” I was impressed by her comment. I don’t think she was naive in her optimism, I think she was simply grateful, simply focusing on her great blessing. I’m sure life was still hard, but to her anything else that could be considered problem material was nothing more than daily living. She was feeling the summer regardless of any cold, and I thought that was really neat.

#mamanotes

Home Movies

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This Lake We Love from Tamara Schellenberg on Vimeo.

When we moved to North Dakota, we were thrilled that we would be so close to such a large lake. We both grew up boating with our families at Lake Powell, and we have always loved playing out on the water. This place couldn’t be more fitting for us with the third largest man-made lake in the U.S., after Lake Powell and Lake Mead. It covers 480 sq. miles!

We arrived in ND late in the season, but we still took as many opportunities as we could to get out and play–even into November. And when winter came, we visited this lake again–this time with a ball and boots for the frozen shores.

I put this video together with clips from some of our trips to the lake this year. Editing our family videos together is one of my very favorite things to do. If someone gave me a few hours without kids to do whatever I wanted, this would probably be it. That may seem totally weird, but I have always loved home movies. When I was a kid I would spend hours sitting on my parents’ bed watching them, inviting any family members that I could to join me. What happened to home movies??

Anyway, I am hoping I can squeeze in some more time this year to make them (and catch up on past ones.) The four of us love to watch them over and over.

And in terms of other goals I have for this year…

With my little wedges of free time, I am excited to pick up where others have left off in gathering records and memorabilia of my ancestors. My hope is to share their stories and their strength with my own family and make my temple experiences more meaningful. I have started doing this over the past few weeks, and I am loving it so much. It feels like a mystery game sometimes trying to piece names and dates and family lines together, but there is so much purpose to it. I’m finally doing what I have felt like I should do for so long and that always feels good.

I also plan on continuing this blog that I started. It’s another one of those things I felt inspired to pursue all that time ago, and I am really enjoying it. It’s been a nice place for my thoughts and little snapshots of our life.

And fourth, I’m going to try to get to know my sewing machine a little better so that those piles of clothes that need to be repaired don’t go forever unattended.

So those are my plans for 2016, my goals you could say. I like making goals as I go, January is sometimes too formal or intimidating to me. I am sure I will come across plenty more ways I want to improve my life as the year goes on. These are just a few on my mind lately. 🙂

Frozen Lake fhe

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We drove out to one of our favorite places today. It was so strange to see this massive lake completely frozen over. It was beautiful though, and we had so much fun sliding all over it! Jake is determined to find some ice skates at a thrift store for us.

On the way home we had family home evening in the car. Sometimes I think we should always do it this way because we have Ava’s complete attention and she seems to like it too. We talked about this amazing Earth that we live on and the animals and people and how God created it all for us because He loves us so much.

We shared some of our favorite creations. Ava said she loves the butterflies and sunsets. Jake loves the mountains and I love the rivers and lakes. We all said we love the ocean.

Then Ava exclaimed, “I love blossoms! You know, in the summertime all the trees will have blossoms! That’s my favorite.”

That’s my favorite too. In the meantime, I’m grateful for Jake because he has so much good to say about winter and it rubs off on the rest of us.

Ava finished with a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for the Earth and the tigers and all the people, and we were all feeling pretty grateful right about then. #mamanotes

Spring Dreams

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Tonight when I tucked Ava into bed she said to me, “Mom, tonight I’m going to dream about flowers and rainbows and bunnies.”

“Sounds like spring to me. I’d like to dream about spring too.”

“I’ll tell you all about it in the morning,” she reassured me. I look forward to that.

It seems we had a little taste of spring today. The high was 43 degrees. I opened a few windows to clear the smell of bacon from the air as Jake has now come down with the bug, and the thick smell of bacon is no friend to nausea.

I think we all enjoyed the chilly fresh air. We even sat outside on the back porch in just our long sleeved shirts, petting the gold striped neighborhood cat while Hyrum squealed in excitement at his new surroundings (and his furry friend.) He’s been begging to go outside for days. Perhaps we all have. #mamanotes