Category Archives: Pregnancy

Feeling Better

North Dakota Snow

I’m feeling much better lately. Every day seems to get a little better. It’s probably a combination of things (things I’ve already mentioned that have helped tremendously) and also getting further along in my pregnancy (thank goodness that nausea is gone!) But I’m finally feeling like I got this, I can do this! My head’s above the water (at least for now haha 🙂

Last night was long getting the kids all ready for bed, then trying to get them to stay in bed, (will I ever figure out how to make this work smoothly??) but then they were asleep and Jake came home and everything settled and I thought, I got this, it’s all good.  And then I imagine having two newborns on top of this busy bunch and I think, wow that’s going to be something else.  But just like the end of every day when sometimes I’m feeling at the end of my rope, they end up sweetly sleeping in their beds.  Each day is full of goodness and giggles and messes and meltdowns and many times it’s quite exhausting by the end, but we do it. We make it through. We just do it.  And all in all it’s a really great thing. I feel like having these twins is going to be like that.  I can wonder how we’re going to do it, but we’re going to do it. That’s it. We’re going to make it work.

And I am actually really looking forward to it! I am so excited. I think about them so much every day, I can’t wait to have them here with us.

Also, more snow pictures… before it was below zero. 🙂 (Look how cold it’s been!!) The other day we had a wind chill of -38. Brrr!! I must say though, I really love all this snow we have (and it’s A LOT of snow.)  It’s kind of fun to experience such cold temperatures too–to feel like we’re doing it, we’re making it through this cold winter!

Come Unto Me

One morning when I didn’t feel like getting out of bed (those pregnancy hormones remember?) and feeling quite tired and unmotivated to do anything, I read this scripture that someone had posted online.

Matthew 11:28-30

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I have read and heard that scripture countless times, I even have it memorized! But for some reason I hadn’t fully considered it in all my “heavy laden” feelings until that moment. And I so needed it! I read each verse a few times, then sat and thought about it for a few minutes.

“What does it mean to come unto him?” I thought. “How can I really feel that rest, how does it work?”

I closed my eyes and asked those same questions. “Please help me. Please help me learn how this works.” I thought of the Savior and how much I just wanted to be strengthened again.

It’s interesting how spiritual things work. I wish I could lay out just how it worked for me, just how He answered my prayer, but I can’t even explain it. I think it’s something that  everyone experiences differently, but it made all the difference for me.

After that prayer, I got up and determined to try my best, and somehow it seemed easier.  After asking for help, I knew that I could do it. That’s how faith works I guess. I knew that I had laid my burden at the Savior’s feet, asking for His help to carry it. I was happier. Honestly, days before this it was so hard to feel enough energy or motivation to take care of my house, make meals, or tackle those bathrooms that I had been putting off cleaning for longer than I want to admit. I usually just did the bare minimum and then felt pretty crummy about it. But I did what I needed to all that day! My house wasn’t totally clean, but my bathrooms were! And I even made a fresh dinner and finished some other things. I was able to rest in a way, knowing that I had heaven’s help. That’s all I needed to get me going and keep me going. It’s been five days since I prayed for the Savior’s help, and I am still feeling it.

I’m still having mood swings here and there, perhaps those will stick around until sometime after the babies are born, but I know I can do this because I have the Savior’s promise of rest (even if my kind of rest means the strength to do the things I need to). What a gift.

Crumbly

I’ve been feeling kind of crumbly lately. Crumbling with all kinds of fatigue and emotions because I just don’t have the energy to do it all. This pregnancy has been hard. It’s been especially apparent the last few days, at least the overwhelming negative thoughts at times. All I really feel like doing is curling up on the couch or sleeping. The messes pile up around the house, making me want to retreat further. I push through it a lot of the time because my children need feeding, the house needs mending, and I really do want to do good and feel good. I have bundles of moments of laughter or peace, playing with my children or watching their quirks and their goodness. But oh these emotions have gotten the best of me lately, especially when Jake comes home and I can let them free. I can wallow and retreat because he’s home to take care of things.

It’s been interesting though, when I feel such a pull to give in to these negative feelings, such a real desire to sink and wallow in them, I also feel a gentle tugging from another side, a much kinder side. These kind, gentle tugs remind me that I do not belong down there in that negativity, where I am very much under the influence of another, a much less kind other. I am pulled up just enough to hover over that pit, but not to sink down. I know I have real emotions here (I have some powerful pregnancy hormones at play), but it’s still hard to pull myself out sometimes. I’m grateful for the gentle tugging, whether from the Holy Ghost or some heavenly loved one whispering to my heart. So from here, where? How do I overcome?

I came home from church today with the kids while Jake stayed to have some meetings. I carried sleeping Hyrum up to his bed, chatted and giggled with Ava over pizza, and then curled up on the couch to sleep while Ava sat at my feet playing games on my phone. Jake came home and he and Ava went downstairs and watched some videos. Hyrum joined them, so I pulled a church magazine from the bin next to the couch and picked a few things to read that I thought might be helpful, because I really wanted help.

It’s amazing how God works in just the right ways to reach us and let us know He cares. I read a few articles from that magazine that really lifted me and changed my perspective on some things.

So anyway, I’m just feeling especially grateful for inspiring words and comfort and help. Even though it’s been hard, I’m so grateful for this pregnancy. SO GRATEFUL for these babies. I’ll probably still do more crumbling, but I believe that with time He can build me back up–into something even better.

(my mantra lately)

where are my angels?

I haven’t been feeling well. Nausea, fatigue, and headaches, combined with a messy house that keeps getting messier because I don’t have the energy to keep up, tummies that empty multiple times a day and need to be filled, and little ones that need lots of love and attention…

This week has been hard. Jake has been gone a lot with work and his church calling and other good things.  I’ve had a migraine-like headache all day the past two days, and I’m struggling to keep my head up.

I read something today that mentioned Sunday was a good day to reflect on our blessings. I think I should do that now.

Today. Hyrum’s fevers are gone, and he slept better last night. He didn’t even get out of bed when I put him in his bed for the night. Ava has been so helpful, really trying to help me feel better. Yesterday she drew me a picture, and today she made me a present with her ponies and horse bean bag in it. She prays for me every day that I will feel better. In fact, she prays for everyone that they will get better, and never misses a night praying for the babies that they will grow strong and healthy. She has the biggest heart and really tries to help out. In the mornings when she and Hyrum wake up early, she takes him into the playroom to watch a movie, eat bananas, and play. They have their squabbles, but they also play really well together. She loves him a lot, so I’m grateful for that.  It is also so fun to watch them, these sweet, adorable children that we get to have a part of our family.

I’m grateful that we still had leftovers in the fridge today. Glad I was able to finally clean the playroom and vacuum the family room last night so we could play in a clean space today. Grateful the kids didn’t make too many messes (or at least really messy messes.) Grateful we had the whole day to relax and play, not worrying about tasks, cleaning, or to-do lists. Sundays are such a gift that way. Grateful when Jake came home. He always comes home happy, and it makes us all happy.

Also, we read books tonight before bed. The kids love reading books, and I love reading to them, so I’m grateful for that.

Feeling better already.

One more thing.

I read a quote today that I had saved on my phone. Occasionally I’ll screenshot a quote I like that is posted on social media or wherever and keep it saved on my phone after emptying my pictures. I came across this one today while I was flipping through my phone.

“We need never feel we are alone or unloved in the Lord’s service because we never are. The Savior has promised angels on our left and on our right to bear us up, and He always keeps His word.” -Henry B. Eyring

When I read that, I wondered how I have been in the Lord’s service lately, or have I? I certainly feel like I haven’t been able to do much of anything lately with the way I’ve been feeling. Then I thought about my children, and how if nurturing them from the family room couch half the time day after day was all I could do, it would be just the kind of service He needed from me. It would be enough.

But where are my angels? This week has been hard. Today has been hard, and I have spent the last hour and a half trying to get my kids to stay in bed–reading, rocking, tickling backs, bringing in snacks, carrying them back to bed over and over. Where are my angels bearing me up in all of this? I’m really struggling here. Please send those angels, please help me get my children to sleep.

With that prayer and that plea, I walked back into Hyrum’s room for the twentieth (or so) time, scooped him up from where he stood by the door, and brought him into our room where Ava was tucked into our bed. “Hyrum is going to sleep with you here in your bed, but only if you both go right to sleep, no talking or playing now.” She agreed and cuddled right up to him, surely happy to have him there with her. We have them separated at bedtime because usually they play and get out of bed over and over and have a hard time settling down. Tonight was different though, they were both ready to settle down (it had been long enough.)

But I also believe my angels were there. Maybe Ava was that little angel, helping to comfort her brother and settle him to sleep. Or maybe they had angels comforting the two of them, wrapping their unseen arms around them, filling them with so much love that they couldn’t help but feel so content to sleep. However it was, my prayer was answered and they both went right to sleep. So I’m really grateful for that too.

Thankful

Sunday, November 6

Earlier in the day I was feeling kind of crummy, and focusing on it too. Made me feel even more crummy. But then the afternoon came with its golden hues and unusual warmth for November, and I sat in a camping chair wrapped in a fluffy blanket basking in the best sounds I know.

It changed everything.

The kids were squealing and giggling as Jake rolled around in the burrito blanket playing steamroller. Jake and I were laughing too, the kids were so funny as they tried to jump and dodge him. They loved it. Then I’d hear Ava yell, “A car’s coming!” with Hyrum’s echo of “Car’s coming!” just as dramatic as hers. And with that they were quickly inside Daddy’s blanket where they all huddled until it passed.

In those moments I was entirely focused on some of my greatest joys, and nothing else could fit. No negativity, sickness, or whatever was so consuming before. I was so happy.

I brought out a pan of orange jello Ava and I made earlier, the kind that is packed with delicious mandarin oranges. The four of us sat together on the trampoline with our forks and blankets, and cleared that whole pan in five minutes flat. Doesn’t get better than that. #mamanotes

Monday, November 7

I had a painful headache for most of the day today. I was lying in bed at the end of the day with the 15th (or what seemed like it) movie on for the kids in the next room, and called Jake to ask when he would be coming home. I told him how I was feeling and he said he’d come right home. I felt like saying thank you and I love you ten times over to him for saving the day. When he walked in the door I could hear the kids SO happily yell, “Daddy!!” Then it was quiet until a quick, “Rawr!” and little giggles when the kids found his hiding place. I smiled from under my covers, imagining all those happy faces. And I just love hearing his voice when he comes home.

It was funny as they made their way upstairs, Jake asked them if they wanted to watch a movie and they both said no without any hesitation. 🙈Haha! That is so rare, Jake and I both laughed. Obviously they had movie overload today… He made a quick run to the gas station for a drink for me, then we whipped up some macaroni and cheese and frozen veggies and went around the table a few times saying things we were thankful for. We have SO MUCH to be thankful for. I was amazed at Ava’s responses. She talked so much about how she loves Heavenly Father’s creations and this beautiful Earth and probably mentioned being grateful for her family at least three times. Hyrum just chomped on his popcicle, but when we asked him if he was grateful for all these things too, he said, “yes,” with that cute lisp of his.

We really have so much to be grateful for.
#mamanotes