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Category Archives: Motherhood

Settling

2018-11-29

mother caring for children

 

We got back from our trip late Saturday night and it was so wonderful, I still can’t believe we were able to experience all that and I am excited to share some of that too (once I get my bearings again :). The last few days we’ve been settling back into things at home and it has definitely taken some settling.

Monday I watched as the dishes piled and the floor decorated with clothes and things strewn from our bags and cupboards and bins. I moved slowly preparing meals and caring for the kids and rested between the carpet and the couch while my kids took turns needing me. I was tired too. We all let go with feelings that needed to be felt and comforted. We cycled through many meltdowns over small things, that were probably an accumulation of bigger things, and I was calm inside, having already created space for this, ignoring all the other to-do’s. Today was just for this.

At one point Ava was quite upset and I gave her the option to rest in her room and color or to cuddle on the couch with me, and she stewed for a minute, then came running toward me with her arms out and her eyes still closed in tears. She fell asleep cuddled next to me like that.

Every time they needed me, I was there, or tried to be, and I rejoiced in being home with them, as tired as I was. I missed them so.

So while our house unraveled some, we grew together more, and perhaps refilled some too.

It was a day off the treadmill and apart from much of any fun “doing” or getting “done,” and it was also a day of strong emotions and tears for all of them, so it surprised me when at the end of the day Ava said in her prayers, “Thank you for this wonderful day and for all our wonderful days.”

She went on to say thanks for many more things and I felt too, what a gift it was. #mamanotes

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The Light & Liberation Project

2018-11-132018-11-13

100% of proceeds from this online photography course go to efforts to rescue children from trafficking

 

I’ve been sharing about this on my social media, but so much of my heart has been in this project the past few years that I thought I should share a little bit on here too.)

A few years ago I was driving from our home in Houston to Austin, Texas for a job interview for my husband and I read an article that opened my eyes to the terrible reality of the fastest growing criminal enterprise in the world–sex trafficking. My heart ached and I wept as I read about an estimated 2 million children being some of those victims. I was reading it out-loud to my husband and I could hardly get through it.

But the article also talked about one man’s effort to do something about it and the organization that has since grown into an incredible source of hope for these children. It’s backed by the support of local law enforcement and the hopes and hearts of hundreds of thousands around the world.

That organization is Operation Underground Railroad, made up of skilled former CIA, Navy SEALs, and Special Ops operatives that locate and rescue trafficked children and provide for their rehabilitation.

I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to be a part of the effort to help them.

100% of proceeds from this online photography course go to efforts to rescue children from trafficking

My mind raced with ideas. Over the next few months I created a photography presentation and shared a few hours of my knowledge in a few locations to raise money for the effort. But I wanted to be able to reach more, to help more. I prayed and prayed to know how.

While driving in my car one day, I had the idea to involve other photographers, to enable others to learn from their talent and experiences too. I spent the next few months praying, planning, emailing, and searching for top talent in the areas I felt would be of great value to learn.

100% of proceeds from this online photography course go to efforts to rescue children from trafficking

And that was just the beginning. I clung to every bit of courage and inspiration and encouragement I felt as I was stormed by doubt amid the discouragments. The process was slow, but came together bit by bit with the courage of those who were willing to join me without ever having met me. These amazing photographers trusted me enough to give their time and share their knowledge to be a part of the rescuing too.  That was powerful to me.

I feel I have been stretched in every way, but guided and strengthened through it as well.

It has been a project of patience, trust, and a whole lot of heart, from all of us. And it is finally ready to be shared with others and on its way to doing some good for these children in greatest need.

100% of proceeds from this online photography course go to efforts to rescue children from trafficking

It’s an affordable, all-in-one course for anyone wanting to improve their pictures or learn how to use their SLR camera. ​Nine photographers teach the thirteen topics in this course, and they are amazing at what they do. It’s inspiring and easy to understand, just over two hours long (we know you’re busy), and downloadable so that you can watch it at any time and as many times as you’d like. It is a course that will get you excited about your photography and equipped with the tools to help you capture loved ones in beautiful, meaningful ways you’ve only hoped you could. You can read more about it and purchase it on the course page here:   gum.co/ourlight.

100% of proceeds from this online photography course go to efforts to rescue children from trafficking

ALL proceeds will go to Operation Underground Railroad. It’s the neatest thing. If you think you know someone who might be interested, please share it with them and join us in this great cause! I know this has the potential to do so much good — for the kids and for those that get to learn from this course.

-Tami

*Update: Thank you all so much for your support!! I am so grateful for this good we can do together. So many have shared or purchased the course and we thank you! LDSLiving also wrote a wonderful article about the Light and Liberation Project that had me all teary with gratitude. You can find it here.

Remember this week there is a discount of $30 off with code “ourlight” if you purchase by wednesday 11/14/18. (This course is at an incredible deal already and we intended it that way so that we can reach more people and do the most good. So if you have a camera you’ve been wanting to get or one you’ve been putting off learning how to use, this is the greatest way to learn–and do a lot of good!)

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

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For All the Hard Things

2018-10-262018-11-03

For all the hard things in my parenting experience, there is far more good. I’m convinced that family life is a powerful, intentional crucible for experience, LOVE, and profound growth.

I cried to Jake on the phone the other day while the babies napped and the kids watched a movie in the other room. I had these feelings I was trying to sort out earlier in the day and their energetic little bodies followed me into each room I quietly slipped into. I guess the feelings never got sorted out because I ended up in tears, but I felt just fine after talking it through and letting it go, when I had the moment to.

Sometimes when I’m going from one dumped cup to another crying child and then to the sink to clean out poopy underwear I think there’s just no way to recount the series of events involved in each day of raising young children. It’s hard work and it’s hard to explain.

But that is so very much with the way I feel about it too. It’s hard to explain how fulfilled I am by it. How much I love it. Or how grateful I am to have them— they are the greatest blessings the way they fill cracks in my heart and refine my soul and paint life with the happiest joys. They are beams of light in our home and every whisp of curl and fold of skin and the sweet, silly way they do things and learn things brings me wonder at the beautiful creation of life! And how blessed I feel to be a part of it.

Glad I get to fill bellies and nurture hearts and be the one they want to follow into every room. It is such a gift.

#mamanotes

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One Year

2018-07-17

Esther and Thea turned one the other month and we showered them with love and frosted cake and celebrated the joy of having them with us the past year, and all throughout the day and the weeks before I just soaked in the emotion of it all and wondered if I could put it into words.  After their birth it took me months to write down their birth story because I didn’t have the words to. It was such a special experience and I forfeited writing for a while because words just didn’t seem enough (and I was neck deep in newborn care.)  I still  have a hard time finding the right words for them. They are such a blessing! These babies have changed us, they have changed me from the inside out. Since their earliest growth inside me I feel I was pushed into a growth of my own, perhaps dumped out and replanted altogether. But I am gathering more sunlight than ever and couldn’t be happier.

It seems dreamy to me really, that we get to raise them and love them and watch them grow and laugh and play together. I don’t know why this was our gift, but sometimes I feel as though my heart could burst I am so grateful. Today they climbed up into their stroller and peaked up over the edge at me with the cutest top teeth and smiles that squinted their eyes. They seemed quite pleased with their accomplishment, climbing all the way up there the first time, and beamed all that joy back to me. I soaked it up.

They’re walking around now, beaming joy everywhere. And we are all soaking it up. Ava and Hyrum get excited about every new sound they make or thing they do, and when we’re all together playing steamroller on the rug or racing rolling down a hill, or even just watching a movie and eating crackers on the carpet together, I think about how wonderful it is to have them, all of them.  I’ve noticed when I take pictures at home now there is so much going on, so many little faces and bodies going different directions, doing different things, playing with each other. I love it. My life is so different now than it was six years ago when I became a mother, it’s all the more hard and busy and wonderful and so many other things. And I am so grateful.

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Can you See Mt. Rushmore?

2018-06-282018-06-28

This time last year our girls were one month old, suffering from severe reflux and needing to be soothed around the clock. Summer had arrived and was entreating seemingly all but us to its pleasant reprieve and active adventures.

We were barely keeping our heads above water and rushed our tired bodies to bed each night as soon as the babies were soothed long enough for their first stretch of nighttime sleep. Free time was like the faint sighting of land while treading in a grey ocean. We weren’t discouraged or unhappy, we adored these babies with the biggest of grateful hearts! We were just tired, so tired.

I don’t remember what sparked the idea, perhaps some longing for a sense of normalcy, but we decided to take a trip to South Dakota to see Mt. Rushmore in the midst of all this. I don’t know how we managed to pack for our weekend trip, but somehow we made it on the road for a six hour ride and the aid of the car to soothe our girls to sleep. We figured we’d just be at home soothing them, we might as well take a ride in the car somewhere.

I remember the peace in that drive, the waves of prairie grass and the different colored cows. I grew such a love for driving through open spaces while living out there.

We visited Mt. Rushmore, and I remember being more intrigued with it than I thought I’d be. I would’ve even stayed to watch the movie about it if the babies weren’t crying and Hyrum climbing over seats. My favorite part though was driving through the surrounding Black Hills. It was so beautiful there!

At one point we stopped to eat and hike around a bit, and when we got to the top of the rocks we discovered a stunning view of the hills with Mt. Rushmore tucked right in the middle of them! That was a highlight for me. And just before we left, a mountain goat leaped across the rocks a few yards away from us. I think that was a highlight for Jake.

I don’t think we have ever been more exhausted on a trip, hardly managing a solid hour’s sleep. We forgot the babies’ rock n plays— the beds they are so accustomed to, that help with their reflux.— So we improvised an inclined bed in the base of their stroller, and although they looked cozy, we were up with them almost constantly it seemed.

But it was a taste of normalcy, this trip, just being out somewhere, especially somewhere new. Jake took the kids to breakfast and a park so I could sleep, and the older two got to swim with him at the water park hotel. And despite the exhaustion, we loved it and are so glad we went!

And oh to think how far we’ve come! Our baby girls are now our best sleepers! We are taking picnics, running through sprinklers, visiting family, and going away on the weekends. It is such a glorious time with these four little ones.

The other day I was at Trader Joe’s as the temperatures were first starting to warm, and I walked past a barrel of watermelons and a group of people barbecuing by the doorway. I smiled from ear to ear walking through those doors! Summer had arrived and it felt so nostalgic to me, so wonderfully, joyfully nostalgic, as though it had been a long while since I had played in it. But it really hadn’t been that long! Last summer was just so different.

Now the fun we are all enjoying this summer—the swimming, the smells, and the whole laid back feel of it—is somehow conjuring up the sweetest of summer memories from years ago. I am loving summer like never before, or perhaps all the years before, and that has been such a gift. #mamanotes

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