When You Wonder How to Do It

2016-06-272016-06-28

To my daughter when you wonder how to do it,

Someday you may be a mother. You may be finishing off your kids’ quesadillas with crumbs stuck to your feet, knots in your hair, and strawberry smudges on your shirt. And you may be wondering, how did she do it? How did my mom do this?

I’ll tell you how I’m doing it.

I am sitting in my kitchen finishing off my kids’ quesadillas with crumbs stuck to my feet, knots in my hair, and strawberry smudges on my shirt. I am playing hide and seek, peek-a-boo, and red-light green-light, over and over. I am waiting for nap-time, snacking before dinner time, and putting off bedtime. I am giving kisses, filling bellies, and cleaning up messes, multiple times a day. I am doubting, stressing, and snapping from time to time. And I am tired. Mothering is a lot of work.

But I am happy.

I am happy to cuddle dreamers, encourage thinkers, and sing lullabies before bed. I am happy to give rides in laundry baskets, inspire good choices, and teach you how to pray. I am happy to have all of these stretching, testing, beautiful experiences that refine me and teach me. Happy to share all of it with you.

I am having the greatest time just watching you little ones be little. You are doing amazing things! I never thought I’d be so enthralled with babbling words, chubby cheeks, and bikes without training wheels. But I am! And you are just as excited that I’m right there with you, smiling back, picking you up, and cheering you on.

I get to care for you, teach you, and love you. And oh how I love you.

I get to be your mom.

And I am grateful for that, because someday I may be a Grandma. I may be stirring up a batch of chocolate chip cookies in a beautifully clean kitchen, with a hand-sewn apron tied around my waist. I may be reminiscing about this beautiful time in my life, perhaps wishing I could go back, even just for a moment. Someday you may be too.

So keep eating those quesadillas, filling those bellies, and giving those kisses. What you are doing is the best thing you could be doing. At times we all wonder how they did it, or how we’re supposed to do it, but maybe that isn’t as important. Perhaps what’s most important is to simply to do our best and enjoy it while we can.

*A quick afterthought… I was looking up some family history online today on familysearch.org and found this little gem of encouragement from my own mother and great grandmother! It’s from a talk my mom gave at her grandmother’s funeral.

She said, “Many times when I have been frustrated with the job of raising eight very active children and I feel that I have done absolutely nothing significant any particular day, Grandma’s wise words have come into my mind–‘You have gotten those children one day older–and sometimes that’s quite an accomplishment!’ I can’t count the times that thought has sustained me and encouraged me to try again another day.”

How neat is that!? It seems these feelings are universal, we all feel them at times. I just think it’s funny that I found that online, of all places. 🙂 Familysearch.org is so neat!

Mama Notes

2016-05-312016-06-13

Wrote a few mamanotes from the other day…

By the time the afternoon rolled around yesterday, I was beat. Fortunately the storm rolled in along with it, and Ava was tired too. She liked the idea of chocolate chips and storm watching just as much as I did. So she laid her head on my lap right there on the kitchen floor by the back screen door as the clouds deepened and the breeze thickened with rain. And that was just what we both needed. #mamanotes

I walked into our bedroom after I checked on the kids and turned off the hall light. Jake was in bed laughing to himself. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “I’m just replaying in my head our race with Ava to eat our salads.” Our four year old might have a strong will, but she is always up for a race. Whether it’s a race to brush her teeth, get into bed, or eat her spinach salad, for some reason it works every time! So when she was adamant that she didn’t want to finish her spinach leaves and ranch dip, Jake said to her, “Let’s see who can finish their salads the fastest!” Without hesitation, she grabbed a green leaf, dipped it in the ranch, and threw it into her mouth.
And then the part Jake was laughing about– she looked at us, then with both hands like a bull dozer, wiped her whole pile of spinach through the dip in one swipe and stuffed it all into her mouth.

Jake and I stopped mid-chewing our second bite to see her smiling as best she could with her cheeks stuffed and her lips lined in dressing. Within a minute it was chewed and swallowed, and that little girl creamed us, flat. 😂👏 #mamanotes

Yesterday while Hyrum napped Ava said to me, “I want to play with you Mom.” So play we did. She giggled as she trotted straight towards me hiding behind that trash can. I was sure she peeked while she counted. When she came up to me laughing I said, “Hey, did you peek?” to which she replied with equal laughter, “No I could see your bum sticking out!” 😂👏 I carried her back to the house on my shoulders after a few games of crack the egg and follow the leader on the trampoline. I felt that if there was one good, important thing I needed to do that day, it was that. I feel like we grow closer in these moments than most any other time. And we need it. We will always need it. #mamanotes

And just a few from the day Jake found a little baby bird on our front lawn and we spent part of our family home evening finding worms for it. How did I never know that hose trick?!

Sprinklers and Straw Cups

2016-05-05

We drove along fresh tilled fields and speckled green hills to our friend’s house today. The air was thick and warm when we got in the car; Ava asked for the windows down. Fresh air blasted our hair and soaked our cheeks, and I couldn’t help but want to yell or to sing, to do something that matched the exciting feeling of warmth on my face. It’s been so long! It reminded me of barbeques, barefeet, and swimming suits. It reminded me of my youth. Summer feels so close! We welcomed this 80 degree day with sprinklers and straw cups and plenty of sun time. It was great to be with friends. #mamanotes

There’s not much I love more than seeing my kids PLAY!

They’ve been spending most of their time outside lately and we love it!

Bless you

2016-05-032016-05-03

You know how we often say that motherhood is hard? It totally is.

But just plain womanhood is hard too. All these emotions get me feeling all over the place sometimes. I’ve got a good deal of these funny little hormones in my body that make me feel like I’m figuring things out one minute and totally second guessing myself the next. I over-think, over-angst, and overwhelm myself sometimes. And nights are so funny like that. If I’m feeling overly emotional at all at night, I better just go on to bed because if I let them settle and spin, I start to get all loopy and teary and everything becomes so much more this or that. And why am I like this??

That happened the other night. I was telling Jake my thoughts and my feelings about something and Jake couldn’t help but laugh. He listened and he hugged me, but he laughed too. I appreciated that. It reminded me that sometimes these little buggers have more control over me than I realize, and a good amount of shut eye will allow a nice reset. And it does.

But it also reminds me that I’m a woman, with all the mushy, lovey, wonderful feelings that comes with it. These feelings allow me to connect, to love, to appreciate, and to sympathize, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here’s to womanhood, and to motherhood. For surely if navigating our own emotions proves difficult at times, caring for little ones with loads of them is surely a monumental task. And we do it because again, we wouldn’t have it any other way. All those mushy, lovey, wonderful feelings bring with them life’s most bountiful connections.

So bless you women, and you mothers, and those who would be if they could. The world is sweeter and richer because of those sweeping, overwhelming feelings you carry. May we try to use them for good.

Apples Together

2016-04-212016-05-03

My dear Hyrum, you are so gentle and loving. Today I needed that. I needed your squeals and your hugs, and the yellow flowers you picked for me in the grass. It was kind of a rough morning, so after we dropped Ava off at school, we sat in the backyard under that big clear sky and ate apples together. You had yours and I had mine and you just sat there in my lap in the grass while we watched the neighborhood cat chase butterflies. After you finished you’d go off to pick flowers or pet the kitty, and then return with your arms wide and your smile beaming and run into my lap. Other times you’d lean over, put your arm around my back and your head on my shoulder and hug me. And when I lay down, you lay down too. That was our time, our quiet, simple, perfect time, and it was just what I needed. Oh my dear Hyrum, you most certainly have my heart. I love you so much. #mamanotes