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More Shaping Moments

I did it again– I added a lot of new posts all at once. Sorry! They are mostly my own journal entries about the struggles I’ve had this pregnancy and how I’ve been learning to overcome and get through them.  At the time I didn’t really feel like sharing them because they were so raw and personal, but I feel like there is value in sharing what I’m learning and what has really helped me get through. I’ve back-posted them all so they coordinate with the right dates. I mixed in a few mama notes as well that I recorded during those times.

Also, we’re 37 weeks!! Can you believe we’ve made it this far?? Such a happy, wonderful thing. My induction date is set for this Friday at 38 weeks, so in just four more days (or less) we’ll be doubling our kids and adding a beautiful new dimension to our family! We can’t wait to meet our girls!

Jelly Beans

We sat on the bed picking out jelly beans; Jake handed Hyrum a popcorn one and he popped it into his mouth along with the blue one he was still chewing. “Popcorn one Mom!” he said happily chewing. Jake and I looked at each other and smiled, wondering when he’d notice the funny taste, and sure enough just after, Hyrum grimaced and pulled the yellow jelly bean from his mouth 😂.
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We’ve all missed having Jake around. Randomly Hyrum would say to me, “Daddy’s gone Mom,” and get a little teary.
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How did we get so lucky the last few days to be all together just the four of us before the twins arrive? (False labor had something to do with it, but I’m not complaining!) It has been so nice! Jake has been able to do some work from home here in Utah, but we have also done plenty of just hanging out and enjoying this time, and it has been really sweet. 💛 #mamanotes

36 Weeks

We made it to 36 weeks!! I’m sitting here in my bedroom, blue sky and blustery wind outside my window, and feeling so so grateful. The trees have leaves here! Everything is green and blossoming, and I can’t help but feel the excitement of new life and growth and warmth again!

We are in Utah now; the kids and I have been here for four weeks. And as hard as it was to make the decision, the peace and help and goodness we have felt being here with family has been sunshine to my soul. We really needed it, we all did.

I felt like with the twins coming soon I was like a broken ship headed into a storm. We were surviving, we had such kind help from so many in our church branch (did I mention they also threw me a beautiful baby shower with only two days notice before I left?! It was the most amazing, humbling, heart filling thing to me) and we were making things work back at home in North Dakota, but it was hard and my spirits were sinking.
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Jake was recovering from a head injury and was busy with work as well as serving as branch president at church, and I was trying hard to take care of things at home and feeling so stuck, so low, and desperately craving a change in scenery after such a long winter inside (and on the couch on bedrest :/) We were making do, but it was hard, and we had so much family begging us to come to Utah so they could help us.

So we made the decision for the kids and I to come to Utah. It has been wonderful!! I feel so grateful for this time that we’ve had in Utah and for all the help we are receiving. It has been healing in so many ways.

After some contractions last Saturday night, Jake is here with us too! I am feeling so blessed, so happy, so grateful, and so excited. My heart is so full thinking about the kindness we’ve received over the past few months from friends and branch members and family and also thinking about such good things to come.

Closer to Heaven

Last night when I tucked the kids in bed and reminded Ava to say her prayer, she didn’t say she was too tired but went right into it, thanking Heavenly Father for the beautiful Earth and that it could grow again, asking Him to bless the babies in mommy’s tummy and her daddy’s head to feel better. She went on to thank Him for so many things that day, told Him how she felt about things, and asked Him to help people she loved, even those she hasn’t seen in a while. I wish I could remember it all and how she said it, it was so sincere and real and heartfelt, like most of her prayers are. I think if we all learned to pray like that, we’d feel a lot closer to heaven. I sure did. #mamanotes

You Have Eyes Mommy

I walked into the kids room where Hyrum was laying quietly in his bed, struggling to fall asleep. I was so impressed that he stayed in his bed all this time. I sat at the edge of his feet and looked at the cutest little cheeks and big brown eyes.

“Hi Mom. I wanna snuggle you,” he said with that cute lisp of his.

I laid down next to him, my round belly touching his. He smiled as I snuggled my face up close to his.

“You has eyes mommy?” he said as he placed his finger on my eye.

“Yes I have eyes, and you have eyes too.”

“I have eyes too,” he repeated.

“You has chastick mommy,” he said pointing to my lips.

“Those are my lips, and you have lips too,” I said pointing to his.

“Ya I have wips too.”

He then pointed to my nose and other things in the room and we talked and snuggled for a few minutes.

Then I touched my nose to his and he giggled. He wrapped his little arm around my neck and pulled me in closer.

“I love you so much Hyrum.”

“I wuv you too Mommy.”

He turned his little body in his dragon pjs and shuffled down into his pillow, and I just wished so much that I could fold up this moment and tuck it away for when the years move on and my little boy grows. Surely I’ll wish to return to it, even for a moment.

I often find comfort thinking of the eternities and how everything will be made right and how redeeming and wonderful it all will be. But even with all those promised blessings I don’t think that I could ever get back this time with my little ones. I don’t know how it will all work out, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Time raises them from little infants to adults and these years are all we’ve got to teach them and love them and soak up the wonderful fleeting sweetness of it all. It’s a humbling reminder to me to cherishthem, to be present with them, to really really appreciate them. And when I’m given little gems of moments like tonight, I try to capture them in my heart and wrap them up in words the best I know how so that somehow I can return to those big brown eyes and little lisp and never ever forget. #mamanotes