Category Archives: Holidays

When Mother’s Day Doesn’t Go Your Way

“Mom remember this morning how Thea had poop on her finger and we couldn’t figure out where it came from? Well we found it! It’s in your closet!”

Jake and I slumped on the couch together at 9pm, wondering, with partial desperation (but mostly just exhaustion) why the day was so hard. Except we knew largely why. It was Mother’s Day and the twins’ birthday and a whole clumpful of mixed expectations and efforts along with all the usual mess and mishaps (and lots of noise).

Add in my efforts to try to get a nice picture of all four of them together (because they were already dressed and looking nice for church) and everyone’s frustrations festered. I still didn’t end up getting it, at least not in their nice clothes.

It was funny (and not funny) throughout the day just thinking about everything that was happening. The twins fighting over their new toys, Ava yelling that she hated me, and Hyrum locking himself out of the apartment to pout. Esther was crying most of the day because she didn’t have the other stroller or she couldn’t fit her baby in just right, and the other kids whined and teased each other enough that I just laughed when we all sat down to eat brownies and ice cream because it was the quietest the house had been ALL DAY. We cringed at the thought of what our neighbors were thinking. We were all in need of a reset.

That reset came today. Jake and I got up before the kids to get ready for the day, and when Hyrum came into my room after waking I just held him. “I love you Mom,” he said, hugging me back.

I hugged them all as they woke up, looked into their little wanting eyes, and really looked, really listened. I moved along with their ideas and shooed away any thoughts of expectation. We fetched balloons from the grass, watched the wind move the leaves, and built train tracks. We still had tears and complaining and fits about strollers, but we were calmer, we had space to be calmer. And I really tried to hold that space too.

When Jake pulled up at the end of the day, we were already playing on the field. He joined in our frisbee throwing while the twins giggled holding hands and Hyrum rode his bike.

This is parenthood, I thought. It’s a mix of a lot of things, and certainly a lot that is hard. But a lot of it is fun and more of it is filling and all of it is growth. All of it is love. All of it is worth it. And I really love it all.

#mamanotes

For All the Hard Things

For all the hard things in my parenting experience, there is far more good. I’m convinced that family life is a powerful, intentional crucible for experience, LOVE, and profound growth.

I cried to Jake on the phone the other day while the babies napped and the kids watched a movie in the other room. I had these feelings I was trying to sort out earlier in the day and their energetic little bodies followed me into each room I quietly slipped into. I guess the feelings never got sorted out because I ended up in tears, but I felt just fine after talking it through and letting it go, when I had the moment to.

Sometimes when I’m going from one dumped cup to another crying child and then to the sink to clean out poopy underwear I think there’s just no way to recount the series of events involved in each day of raising young children. It’s hard work and it’s hard to explain.

But that is so very much with the way I feel about it too. It’s hard to explain how fulfilled I am by it. How much I love it. Or how grateful I am to have them— they are the greatest blessings the way they fill cracks in my heart and refine my soul and paint life with the happiest joys. They are beams of light in our home and every whisp of curl and fold of skin and the sweet, silly way they do things and learn things brings me wonder at the beautiful creation of life! And how blessed I feel to be a part of it.

Glad I get to fill bellies and nurture hearts and be the one they want to follow into every room. It is such a gift.

#mamanotes

A Family Valentines

I sat on the back porch in the afternoon sun watching the kids squeal with excitement to be outside. They chased bubbles on the steps and down the only narrow pathway paved from snow. Ava made some new tracks through the backyard mounds and Hyrum got stuck trying to follow. Then she sat on the fence by the little tree and said, “Hey mom do you remember when I used to climb this tree?” like it’s been years since it had leaves and branches warm enough to climb. Sometimes it feels that way.

Then Jake came home with chocolate covered strawberries and an empty snack container to make a piggy bank with Ava. She was so excited.

We lit candles and ate on paper plates to avoid dishes after dinner. Hyrum kept trying to blow the candles out and turn back on the lights (he’s only seen candles on a birthday cake and that’s just what you do!) We pulled the sparkling grape juice from the snow outside and cheers-ed to a Happy Valentine’s Day with our four paper cups.

We finished the night with a game of candy land and cinnamon rolls from a dear friend then watched the kids dance to music across the family room floor before tucking them in bed with lots of I love you’s.

Ava fell asleep within minutes of cuddling, and when I laid next to Hyrum to try to help him fall asleep, he pressed his little hand onto the side of my face, brought it right against his and gave me a kiss. I smiled the happiest of smiles and told him I loved him, to which he replied, “Love you Mom.” My heart could burst I so adore him.

Between the love of my life and these two little love bugs, we’re all just full of love over here and I just feel so lucky. #mamanotes

Christmas in Utah

Why I wear my hair up all the time ^^ haha

At the Provo LDS Temple–one of the most beautiful I’ve been to!

We spent the week between Christmas and New Year’s in Utah! It was so nice to be with family (although so hard to figure out how to split our time between both of them!) I won’t overload this post with pictures, but I will say that we sure packed in our time there—lots of dinners, visiting, movies, games (you know that hungry hippos game you’ve probably seen circling pinterest–the one where you actually roll people across the floor to gather balls in a basket? We did that! Well I didn’t with my pregnant belly– but it was so fun to watch!), shopping, lunches, skiing, relaxing, EATING (so. much. food!), going to the temple–even a family wedding! and staying up way too late. I even got to visit with one of my dearest friends that I hadn’t seen in so long. It was as though things never changed–grateful for friendships like that. We had a great trip!

Talking about the funky hair-do’s we had as kids. Poor Mom got a lot of flack for those bangs!

Also, Christmas was so fun this year with the kids–they were both so happy and excited. At the end of the day Ava said to us, “This was the best Christmas ever!” and made sure to thank us with big hugs. How did we get so lucky?  I was also excited to finally empty all those boxes that I’d been stuffing in the front closet all this time. I couldn’t wait to give them their gifts!

 

You can fly

The other day I put Disney songs on Pandora for the kids to dance to and the “You Can Fly” song came on.  They’d never seen the movie so I told them what it was about and they spread their arms, racing around the room (and jumping off the couches.) Ever since, Ava has wanted to see what it was all about.  So, the other night we all went downstairs and watched Peter Pan.

When I brought down popcorn, the kids were so excited.  It’s funny how they can get excited about the smallest things.  They both squealed, “Popcorn! Yay! Popcorn!” Hyrum giggled and “hmmed” with the most satisfying grins while he stared at the popcorn and crammed handfuls into his mouth. Later he picked out orange after orange to have us peel for him (eating all of them in no time). When we told him no more, he went off and peeled them himself.

We turned on the kids’ Christmas tree and tucked them in bed, hoping they would settle and fall asleep in the same room (totally hit and miss with this).  In her bedtime prayer, Ava   mentioned, “…and please bless Hyrum that he can fall asleep and not refuse his naps, and please help him to not refuse new food, and please bless me to try new foods…and thank you for our warm house and helping us drive safely…”   I just love her prayers.

Later when Hyrum got out of bed (for the fifth time) and came downstairs, he picked up two little oranges and held them right up to his nose, just smiling at them. Jake and I just laugh, it is so fun watching them.

#mamanotes