Category Archives: family

36 Weeks

We made it to 36 weeks!! I’m sitting here in my bedroom, blue sky and blustery wind outside my window, and feeling so so grateful. The trees have leaves here! Everything is green and blossoming, and I can’t help but feel the excitement of new life and growth and warmth again!

We are in Utah now; the kids and I have been here for four weeks. And as hard as it was to make the decision, the peace and help and goodness we have felt being here with family has been sunshine to my soul. We really needed it, we all did.

I felt like with the twins coming soon I was like a broken ship headed into a storm. We were surviving, we had such kind help from so many in our church branch (did I mention they also threw me a beautiful baby shower with only two days notice before I left?! It was the most amazing, humbling, heart filling thing to me) and we were making things work back at home in North Dakota, but it was hard and my spirits were sinking.
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Jake was recovering from a head injury and was busy with work as well as serving as branch president at church, and I was trying hard to take care of things at home and feeling so stuck, so low, and desperately craving a change in scenery after such a long winter inside (and on the couch on bedrest :/) We were making do, but it was hard, and we had so much family begging us to come to Utah so they could help us.

So we made the decision for the kids and I to come to Utah. It has been wonderful!! I feel so grateful for this time that we’ve had in Utah and for all the help we are receiving. It has been healing in so many ways.

After some contractions last Saturday night, Jake is here with us too! I am feeling so blessed, so happy, so grateful, and so excited. My heart is so full thinking about the kindness we’ve received over the past few months from friends and branch members and family and also thinking about such good things to come.

You Have Eyes Mommy

I walked into the kids room where Hyrum was laying quietly in his bed, struggling to fall asleep. I was so impressed that he stayed in his bed all this time. I sat at the edge of his feet and looked at the cutest little cheeks and big brown eyes.

“Hi Mom. I wanna snuggle you,” he said with that cute lisp of his.

I laid down next to him, my round belly touching his. He smiled as I snuggled my face up close to his.

“You has eyes mommy?” he said as he placed his finger on my eye.

“Yes I have eyes, and you have eyes too.”

“I have eyes too,” he repeated.

“You has chastick mommy,” he said pointing to my lips.

“Those are my lips, and you have lips too,” I said pointing to his.

“Ya I have wips too.”

He then pointed to my nose and other things in the room and we talked and snuggled for a few minutes.

Then I touched my nose to his and he giggled. He wrapped his little arm around my neck and pulled me in closer.

“I love you so much Hyrum.”

“I wuv you too Mommy.”

He turned his little body in his dragon pjs and shuffled down into his pillow, and I just wished so much that I could fold up this moment and tuck it away for when the years move on and my little boy grows. Surely I’ll wish to return to it, even for a moment.

I often find comfort thinking of the eternities and how everything will be made right and how redeeming and wonderful it all will be. But even with all those promised blessings I don’t think that I could ever get back this time with my little ones. I don’t know how it will all work out, but I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. Time raises them from little infants to adults and these years are all we’ve got to teach them and love them and soak up the wonderful fleeting sweetness of it all. It’s a humbling reminder to me to cherishthem, to be present with them, to really really appreciate them. And when I’m given little gems of moments like tonight, I try to capture them in my heart and wrap them up in words the best I know how so that somehow I can return to those big brown eyes and little lisp and never ever forget. #mamanotes

Buddies

Ava and I sat on my bed with our legs stretched out scooping the last of the crumbs from the bag of chips. It was quiet except for our talking and crunching and the few cars going by outside. “I can’t wait until Hyrum wakes up so I can play with him,” she said.
These two have been playing together a lot lately and it’s one of my favorite things. He follows her and copies her and runs around dancing and chasing monsters with her and she couldn’t love it more. And I’m right there with her. I couldn’t love it more. #mamanotes

A Family Valentines

I sat on the back porch in the afternoon sun watching the kids squeal with excitement to be outside. They chased bubbles on the steps and down the only narrow pathway paved from snow. Ava made some new tracks through the backyard mounds and Hyrum got stuck trying to follow. Then she sat on the fence by the little tree and said, “Hey mom do you remember when I used to climb this tree?” like it’s been years since it had leaves and branches warm enough to climb. Sometimes it feels that way.

Then Jake came home with chocolate covered strawberries and an empty snack container to make a piggy bank with Ava. She was so excited.

We lit candles and ate on paper plates to avoid dishes after dinner. Hyrum kept trying to blow the candles out and turn back on the lights (he’s only seen candles on a birthday cake and that’s just what you do!) We pulled the sparkling grape juice from the snow outside and cheers-ed to a Happy Valentine’s Day with our four paper cups.

We finished the night with a game of candy land and cinnamon rolls from a dear friend then watched the kids dance to music across the family room floor before tucking them in bed with lots of I love you’s.

Ava fell asleep within minutes of cuddling, and when I laid next to Hyrum to try to help him fall asleep, he pressed his little hand onto the side of my face, brought it right against his and gave me a kiss. I smiled the happiest of smiles and told him I loved him, to which he replied, “Love you Mom.” My heart could burst I so adore him.

Between the love of my life and these two little love bugs, we’re all just full of love over here and I just feel so lucky. #mamanotes

A Growing Heart

While I was penguin walking up the stairs this morning in my robe and overdue-for-a-shower hair, feeling the weight of this growing bump in my hips and the icky cold that’s been going around, Ava stayed right at my side, looking up at me.

Surely she was wondering why mom was looking so disheveled.

“How come you keep looking at me?” I asked in my raspy congested morning voice.

“Because I just love you, and you made my birthday feel so special.”

I stopped and looked down at this little five year old, who just a few years ago hardly noticed the significance of such a day. It sure meant a lot to hear that. Last night against the heaviness of our tired eyes and achy heads, Jake and I stayed up late putting together her new bike and decorating the house with streamers and balloons. I didn’t want to stay up, I wanted to go to sleep. But things like this just make birthdays feel so special, and I knew Ava would love it. It was only eight in the morning and she was already spilling over with a grateful heart.

I spent most of the day on the couch, too sick to do much of anything, and I felt so bad that I couldn’t be more involved in doing special things for her on her special day. But she didn’t see that. She saw all the ways I was trying and said thank you so many times for making it the “best birthday ever.” (I think her first ever birthday party over the weekend helped with that. :))

In five short years, her cheeks have thinned, her curls have softened, and her little heart has grown. Or maybe that was mine. She is a radiant light that has only gotten brighter in our family over the years, and she is teaching me how to be more patient, selfless, and grateful (among so many other things).

At the end of the day while I worked in the kitchen finishing up her birthday dinner (she requested chicken stir fry), she ran around me like a little worker bee, putting away dishes, setting the table, even sweeping the floor for me. When I asked her why she was doing all that she said, “Because you’ve just made my birthday so special and I want to help you.”

Ava you surely bless us.