Category Archives: blessings

Counting

I’ve been counting my blessings a lot lately.  It’s interesting because things have been really quite challenging lately and I’m REALLY looking forward to getting to a new “normal” (which hopefully includes a lot more rest!) but in this time of challenge I have also felt so UPLIFTED and strengthened and happy.  It’s interesting how God works.  We have to have the challenges to shape and refine us and give us experience, but He is also so merciful and quick to send His blessings to help us through.
I wrote just a few things down that have stood out to me recently (but our blessings are many! -especially these sweet little babes)

1. TIME with Ava and Hyrum. The other day I was feeling kind of bummed that I have so little time to give attention to Ava & Hyrum. I hardly have time to pour them a bowl of cereal, it’s crazy.  I could tell that they were really missing it too.  In my prayers the other night I prayed that I would be able to meet their needs and spend more time with them. The next morning, BOTH babies stayed asleep for at least 30 minutes when I put them down–long enough for oatmeal for breakfast, airplane rides on my feet and lots of giggles. We all felt so happy and refreshed afterwards and I knew my prayer was answered! I was reminded that sometimes we just need to ask.

2. REST. As it is to be expected, I am quite tired lately. The other day was go-go-go. A sweet friend came over and tended my babies for a few hours while Ava and I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. I washed, picked up, and put away until my house looked clear again! (That’s another blessing-a clean house!!) It felt so good, but after that long day and an unusually long night with the babies, my body felt especially spent the next morning. But as I’ve noticed so much lately, just when I am really in need of something, when I’m nearing the end of my rope, I am given rest and the strength I need to keep chugging. The next day two sweet young women came over and took care of my babies so I could rest. I napped with Hyrum, which was a two-fold blessing because I got some sleep and time with my boy. He snuggled in so close to me, I know he’s been missing our time together too.  These girls have been coming a few times a week and I have so much love for them! I can’t thank them enough. They help us so much.

3. RELIEF. Last night was one of our hardest nights. The girls have been congested the past week, so they wake up a lot in their sleep having a hard time breathing.  Last night they had a lot of reflux in their sleep too, and when it would come out their nose it would make them more congested and wake them up.  We hardly slept at all, with a total of two hours of sleep. 🙁  After their morning feeding they both fell asleep in their rock n plays, which was amazing! I prayed that they would stay asleep for even just 30 minutes so I could have some relief and get some things done.  Well, they both woke up just a few minutes after falling asleep, and I tried relentlessly to get them to stay asleep. Finally I put them in their carseats so I could carry them both around or rock them on the front porch. Thea stayed asleep but Esther struggled through her reflux. After a few hours it was time to feed them again. I went to prepare a bottle quickly while Esther cried. Then the crying stopped. Those sweet young women had come over to help again today, and even though I had to wait a few hours for relief, they were the sweet answer to my prayer! They fed and held the babies while I cleaned and napped with Hyrum, and when I woke up, the babies were both sound asleep in their rock n plays, and they even stayed asleep (with some soothing in-between) for a few hours!! With Thea in my wrap I was able to make dinner (which hasn’t been possible in a long time!) And what’s even more amazing is that they fell asleep for the night just before nine and stayed asleep until 2am. Heavenly Father answers prayers. That is so comforting to me.

4. FRIENDS. Angels. Such good, good people so quick to serve, coming over for hours at a time to hold my babies, play with my kids, and bring us meals. Other friends and family have been sending messages and thoughtfulness from a distance to see how we are doing. We have been surrounded with so much kindness and support and we are so, so, grateful.

We’re doing well, because God’s blessings (and His angels!) are so very real.

Lately

Hey we’re still here! And our sweet babies arrived!


I have been wanting so much to update with all kinds of cute baby pictures and stories (and that will come) but I haven’t gotten around to it yet because well, I have newborn twins and a displaced toddler and a five year old seriously pushing back against the parenting that I’d been lacking the past few months on bedrest. That, and my computer died 🙁 …along with so many other essential electronic devices. Anybody else’s netflix not working? Or their VCR player? (probably don’t have one…) Or your printer? 😩

I’ve maxed out on memory cards and phone space waiting for my computer to get repaired so I can back it up to the cloud. But I just found out…my computer is not worth saving 🙁 so I will be getting a new one! (When I get around to it 😬) I definitely will be posting lots of cute baby pictures and stories eventually (it really is a sweet time, just so exhausting) but in the meantime, here is a little mamanote from the other day to give you a funny little glimpse into this life we’re living right now (highly doubt you’ll be jealous! haha)

Jake was carrying Esther to the couch when he sat down and looked at his feet. “I stepped in his poop. Can you wipe it off for me?”

A few minutes earlier we were sitting on our bed trying to soothe the babies when Hyrum came walking in with poop on his fingers and his foot. “Poop, Mom,” he said as he pointed with his goobered finger.

Horrified, I jumped up to shower him off while Jake went searching for the mess. Jake and the kids had just gotten home from swimming tonight while I stayed back with the twins. I spent the whole time trying to soothe two crying refluxing babies who both wanted to be held and spit up the moment they were set down (how does one person do that!?!)

I was so exhausted when he came back that I handed one off as soon as Jake got changed. Hyrum and Ava were still changing though, and Hyrum never got a new diaper on. Ava was going to put it on him (bless that 5 year old!) but she was in the room with us wanting to help with the babies and Hyrum went somewhere else.

Then he returned a few minutes later 😧🙈😩.

We found the original mess, but not before Jake stepped in the residue of it 😂.
We got it all cleaned up, managed to fix bowls of cereal and fried eggs for dinner (best we’ve got lately), walked the messy floor for an hour, listened to Ava cry that we couldn’t start a movie at 10pm, then tucked the older kids in bed three hours past their bedtime, hoping the babies would finally settle in bed soon too.

A few hours into this chaos Hyrum asked, “Where’d Grammy go?”

It had been only seven hours since we dropped her off at the airport and I was wondering the same thing.

My angel mother has been with us for the past three and a half weeks, cleaning, cooking, holding, changing, –helping with everything, and she went back home today. I’ve been a little teary wondering how we’re going to do it without her. I was barely managing with her here. Newborn twins with reflux is so much more than a one person job!! It’s taking everything I’ve got.

When we told Hyrum Grammy went back home, he got this sad look on his face and repeated, “Grammy went back home.”

Our house is feeling a little more empty and a lot more disheveled, but somehow I know we’ll make it through. It will all work out. We’re going to do a lot of praying and a whole lot of trying, and we’re just going to do it. 💪👊

More Shaping Moments

I did it again– I added a lot of new posts all at once. Sorry! They are mostly my own journal entries about the struggles I’ve had this pregnancy and how I’ve been learning to overcome and get through them.  At the time I didn’t really feel like sharing them because they were so raw and personal, but I feel like there is value in sharing what I’m learning and what has really helped me get through. I’ve back-posted them all so they coordinate with the right dates. I mixed in a few mama notes as well that I recorded during those times.

Also, we’re 37 weeks!! Can you believe we’ve made it this far?? Such a happy, wonderful thing. My induction date is set for this Friday at 38 weeks, so in just four more days (or less) we’ll be doubling our kids and adding a beautiful new dimension to our family! We can’t wait to meet our girls!

Jelly Beans

We sat on the bed picking out jelly beans; Jake handed Hyrum a popcorn one and he popped it into his mouth along with the blue one he was still chewing. “Popcorn one Mom!” he said happily chewing. Jake and I looked at each other and smiled, wondering when he’d notice the funny taste, and sure enough just after, Hyrum grimaced and pulled the yellow jelly bean from his mouth 😂.
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We’ve all missed having Jake around. Randomly Hyrum would say to me, “Daddy’s gone Mom,” and get a little teary.
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How did we get so lucky the last few days to be all together just the four of us before the twins arrive? (False labor had something to do with it, but I’m not complaining!) It has been so nice! Jake has been able to do some work from home here in Utah, but we have also done plenty of just hanging out and enjoying this time, and it has been really sweet. 💛 #mamanotes

36 Weeks

We made it to 36 weeks!! I’m sitting here in my bedroom, blue sky and blustery wind outside my window, and feeling so so grateful. The trees have leaves here! Everything is green and blossoming, and I can’t help but feel the excitement of new life and growth and warmth again!

We are in Utah now; the kids and I have been here for four weeks. And as hard as it was to make the decision, the peace and help and goodness we have felt being here with family has been sunshine to my soul. We really needed it, we all did.

I felt like with the twins coming soon I was like a broken ship headed into a storm. We were surviving, we had such kind help from so many in our church branch (did I mention they also threw me a beautiful baby shower with only two days notice before I left?! It was the most amazing, humbling, heart filling thing to me) and we were making things work back at home in North Dakota, but it was hard and my spirits were sinking.
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Jake was recovering from a head injury and was busy with work as well as serving as branch president at church, and I was trying hard to take care of things at home and feeling so stuck, so low, and desperately craving a change in scenery after such a long winter inside (and on the couch on bedrest :/) We were making do, but it was hard, and we had so much family begging us to come to Utah so they could help us.

So we made the decision for the kids and I to come to Utah. It has been wonderful!! I feel so grateful for this time that we’ve had in Utah and for all the help we are receiving. It has been healing in so many ways.

After some contractions last Saturday night, Jake is here with us too! I am feeling so blessed, so happy, so grateful, and so excited. My heart is so full thinking about the kindness we’ve received over the past few months from friends and branch members and family and also thinking about such good things to come.