When he does the dishes.

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I was at the sink washing dishes when Jake came home.

“It smells so good in here.”

“Your soup is in the microwave, I just reheated it for you.”

He moved aside the kids’ dinner plates and set his bowl on top of the crumbs.

“How was work?

“It was good.”

“Was it busy?”

“Yeah there’s a lot to do, but not as busy as I thought it was going to be.”

“That’s good.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing ok. I don’t know why, I’m just struggling today… I work so hard at one thing, and then feel bad for neglecting all the other things. I’ve been working on this one thing a lot today, and the kids have been needing me left and right. And I start feeling all tense because I can’t get this thing done and then I feel totally guilty because maybe I should have been giving them more attention…And these plates have been sitting at the bottom of the sink for a week and I still can’t get to them. Why can’t I just wash these plates?”

I went on.

He listened as he ate his soup. “You’re doing great. You’re doing so great.”

“Then why don’t I feel that way?”

He rinsed his bowl off in the sink, grabbed an apron from the drawer, and put his arm around me. “Go lie down on the couch for a bit. I got this.”

He started washing and I started picking up the toys and clothes and shoes in the family room, because we all know I can’t really rest until everything’s picked up and done.

When the room was clean I walked over to where the carpet meets the kitchen floor. “I’m sorry for kind of messing up our date night. I’ve just had a lot going on and a lot on my mind. I haven’t gotten ready or anything.”

He turned to face me as he rinsed another plate. “Don’t worry about it. They’re not messed up, just go upstairs and put on your nice jeans and braid your hair or something. You look great.”

I changed my clothes and started braiding my hair in the bathroom near the kitchen. My hair was knotted from being in and out of a bun for a few days, not ideal for a french braid. I got halfway down my head, my fingers weaved through my hair to hold the braid in place, and a giant snarl was balled up underneath. I walked over to Jake at the sink, one hand with a brush and the other still tangled in my hair. “Can you help me?”

He dried his hands and carefully separated, pulled, and brushed until the strands were free and I could finish my braid.

“Thank you.”

I finished braiding, and he finished washing.

He then showered and got dressed and met me on the family room floor where we raced each other laying cards down in a few games of speed (he won every time) and argued over whose hand slapped the pile first in Egyptian Rat’s Crew (I won). We raised our voices and threw out accusations and couldn’t keep from laughing every time those sevens came around and we had to slap the pile again. We pushed the boundary on card-slapping hand hovering, if there ever was one.

Then we cleaned up the cards and searched Netflix. He got the snacks and drinks, and we settled on a drama because last time he got to choose it. It was long. We cuddled under a blanket and tried our best to stay awake.

We ended the night with I love you, the kind that means “I’m grateful for you, I really care about you, and I’m really glad I get to go through life with you.”

When we first got married I wondered when our giddy in love, couldn’t stop thinking about each other, honeymoon-phase would end. Not because I wanted it to, just because I heard it always does. Married life is hard, they’d say. It’s great, but it gets real and it takes work. People congratulated us on our wedding, then sent us on our way hoping that we’d make it work.

And we have. We’ve made it work wonderfully well. I wouldn’t call it giddy in love, and we’re certainly not in la-la land anymore, but I can say with complete honesty that after seven years together I am happier than I’ve ever been and even more in-love with him than I was when we got married, by a long shot. We are complements and companions for each other. It’s great. When he’s down I help him up, and when I’m down, he sits and listens, then does the dishes. We’ve learned how to really help one another, and we’re still learning.

I don’t care if marriage takes work because life with him is sweeter.

Sometimes we sit down and plan our lives together. And we get excited about it! How great it is that we have a companion for everything? –for every road trip and movie night, but also for the hard stuff–the decisions, the parenting, and the self doubt. Life’s hard, and that’s what makes marriage such a blessing, we get to go through everything together–every smooth sail and sour patch. And when things do go sour, we turn to each other, not away, even when we don’t feel like it.

We’re in it for the long haul and couldn’t be happier about it.

Since we’ve been married, I’ve grown in ways I never thought I could, or even needed to. And oh how I’ve needed to! We’ve completely given our lives to each other–melded our lives together, yet I am actually more “me” than I’ve ever been. I understand myself better, my strengths and my weaknesses, and I’m happier too. I’m grateful that it does take work, because in the process of working at it I feel like we are both becoming better people. And maybe I’m still in la-la land on this, but it doesn’t seem much like work anymore.

I’m sure our marriage has its shortcomings, but it’s blessed my life enough to give me some understanding of what purpose it is meant to have, and what a blessing it is meant to be.

Remember how God said “Neither is man without the woman neither the woman without the man in the Lord?” and that we are created that we “might have joy?” These two things go together–perfectly. Marriage is meant to bring us joy because it gives us a committed companion, a loyal friend, and a constant support–especially in parenting. It gives us someone to talk to, to care for, to rely on. Someone who feels the same way too. Marriage gives us someone who knows us the best and loves us the most, someone who helps us see where we can improve, and inspires us to want to do so. And God has ordained marriage, which means that we can have heaven’s help in making it work–making it work wonderfully well.

It is clear to me that this union is more than just a good idea, an elusive goal, or a social construct. It is a divine union for an eternal good, and it is central to the creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. Surely it is not just meant to “work,” but to work wonderfully well.

So I am grateful for marriage and for family life, even when the kids are needy and he doesn’t do the dishes. I’m glad I get to spend forever with them. We are learning and growing in ways we never thought we could, and our joys have never been greater.

Mama Notes

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Wrote a few mamanotes from the other day…

By the time the afternoon rolled around yesterday, I was beat. Fortunately the storm rolled in along with it, and Ava was tired too. She liked the idea of chocolate chips and storm watching just as much as I did. So she laid her head on my lap right there on the kitchen floor by the back screen door as the clouds deepened and the breeze thickened with rain. And that was just what we both needed. #mamanotes

I walked into our bedroom after I checked on the kids and turned off the hall light. Jake was in bed laughing to himself. “What’s so funny?” I asked. “I’m just replaying in my head our race with Ava to eat our salads.” Our four year old might have a strong will, but she is always up for a race. Whether it’s a race to brush her teeth, get into bed, or eat her spinach salad, for some reason it works every time! So when she was adamant that she didn’t want to finish her spinach leaves and ranch dip, Jake said to her, “Let’s see who can finish their salads the fastest!” Without hesitation, she grabbed a green leaf, dipped it in the ranch, and threw it into her mouth.
And then the part Jake was laughing about– she looked at us, then with both hands like a bull dozer, wiped her whole pile of spinach through the dip in one swipe and stuffed it all into her mouth.

Jake and I stopped mid-chewing our second bite to see her smiling as best she could with her cheeks stuffed and her lips lined in dressing. Within a minute it was chewed and swallowed, and that little girl creamed us, flat. 😂👏 #mamanotes

Yesterday while Hyrum napped Ava said to me, “I want to play with you Mom.” So play we did. She giggled as she trotted straight towards me hiding behind that trash can. I was sure she peeked while she counted. When she came up to me laughing I said, “Hey, did you peek?” to which she replied with equal laughter, “No I could see your bum sticking out!” 😂👏 I carried her back to the house on my shoulders after a few games of crack the egg and follow the leader on the trampoline. I felt that if there was one good, important thing I needed to do that day, it was that. I feel like we grow closer in these moments than most any other time. And we need it. We will always need it. #mamanotes

And just a few from the day Jake found a little baby bird on our front lawn and we spent part of our family home evening finding worms for it. How did I never know that hose trick?!

Bless you

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You know how we often say that motherhood is hard? It totally is.

But just plain womanhood is hard too. All these emotions get me feeling all over the place sometimes. I’ve got a good deal of these funny little hormones in my body that make me feel like I’m figuring things out one minute and totally second guessing myself the next. I over-think, over-angst, and overwhelm myself sometimes. And nights are so funny like that. If I’m feeling overly emotional at all at night, I better just go on to bed because if I let them settle and spin, I start to get all loopy and teary and everything becomes so much more this or that. And why am I like this??

That happened the other night. I was telling Jake my thoughts and my feelings about something and Jake couldn’t help but laugh. He listened and he hugged me, but he laughed too. I appreciated that. It reminded me that sometimes these little buggers have more control over me than I realize, and a good amount of shut eye will allow a nice reset. And it does.

But it also reminds me that I’m a woman, with all the mushy, lovey, wonderful feelings that comes with it. These feelings allow me to connect, to love, to appreciate, and to sympathize, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So here’s to womanhood, and to motherhood. For surely if navigating our own emotions proves difficult at times, caring for little ones with loads of them is surely a monumental task. And we do it because again, we wouldn’t have it any other way. All those mushy, lovey, wonderful feelings bring with them life’s most bountiful connections.

So bless you women, and you mothers, and those who would be if they could. The world is sweeter and richer because of those sweeping, overwhelming feelings you carry. May we try to use them for good.

Some of our favorite places

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Every 6 months–after watching General Conference–my soul is FILLED–overflowing even with light and joy and just a really good feeling about life and how I can make it better. It’s true that faith is SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1) because I have felt it. The Spirit of God is all the evidence I need. I felt it all weekend as the Spirit witnessed to me of the beautiful truths that were taught. Along with millions around the world who watched the LDS General Conference this weekend, I am feeling the truth of Paul’s words–that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance…” (Galatians 5) We are so BLESSED that there are living prophets and apostles on the Earth today! I am so grateful to be a member of this church! Did you miss it? Check it out at lds.org

Also, as you have probably noticed, we made a wall display of pictures of some of our favorite places (in all the places we’ve lived/meaningful places.) The Temple! We love it so much. We have been so blessed to live within an hour of an LDS temple wherever we have lived. It is always a good day when we go to the temple. Heaven is a little closer there, and we can feel it.

I love having these pictures in my family room. It’s a beautiful reminder of so many good things–the promises we’ve made as well as the blessings we are promised! These blessings are everything I could ever hope for, including the opportunity to be together with my family forever–through this life and into the next with only death to separate us temporarily. And then on to a life of eternal JOY together with our Heavenly parents and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Could there be anything better?! No wonder we find such peace in the encouragement and reminders we receive at General Conference–reminders of how we should live to have happiness here and forever. They are truths, and that’s why they make us feel so good.

Sweet Assurances

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I wrote this letter to Ava in my journal the other day and wondered if I should share it. Sometimes I feel funny about sharing my personal thoughts and feelings, but ultimately that’s why I have a blog–to share the things that shape me and inspire me and bring me joy–hopefully we can share goodness with others too.

Dear Ava,

Today you seemed so happy. It was a family day with Daddy home and Hyrum running across the carpets with his gap-toothed grin, as usual. You love these days. Daddy made you breakfast and a fort downstairs where you watched a show together. Then you and Daddy played monster, giggling under the blankets waiting for me to find you. Then it was jacket time and socks and boots and pants because your friends might be home and you love playing with them. After a few minutes of jumping on the trampoline they went inside for breakfast and the two of us jumped up and down and chased each other’s shadows. While we hopped in circles you told me how you love jumping with me.

I love jumping with you too. I love playing with you and learning with you and being so happy with you. We all do. You are so spirited and fun and eager to enjoy all the goodness around you.

Tonight after riding our skateboards and bikes to the park, Daddy went to church for the priesthood conference session and I bathed you and your brother and smoothed aloe on your sun pinked skin. You played all day under those warming rays, jumping and running and laughing with your friends. You were tired. I tucked your little legs under the covers and said our bedtime prayer, at your request. Your head stayed up for just a few moments before slipping onto the mattress with the close of your eyes. In that quiet moment at the edge of the bed, I thanked Heavenly Father for this beautiful day with you and Daddy and Hyrum. I thanked Him for the Gospel and all the goodness and joy we have because of it. And then I prayed for heaven’s help. I prayed for help as I learn how to mother. As I struggle to mother.

A few times this week as I stood against your sass and strong will, I wondered how to do it. There is so much I don’t know and my weaknesses are becoming apparent. Sometimes I think about all the mothers that have done it and are doing it and that gives me strength. But you know what gives me the most strength? I know that we have heaven on our side. Raising you two little ones is the greatest thing I could be doing right now, and I have God and the angels in heaven to help me. I have no doubt that they have whispered in my ear from time to time how I can be a little more patient or humble or kind. I want you to know that in the Gospel of Jesus Christ we can be taught from on high if we ask for it and listen. So that is what I prayed for.

All my love,

Mom