Today we laughed with Hyrum as Ava threw snowballs at our window, read each other’s love letters, and sat on the couch after the kids were in bed, planning our future together and really looking forward to it. I’d count it a lovely day. #mamanotes
Month: February 2016
My Life as a Professional Photographer
I have rearranged some things in my life to make everything fit a little better, to make everything feel better.
I still got a little teary-eyed looking at my photography website today, I’ll be taking it down in a few days. I decided a few months ago to close this chapter of working as a professional photographer at this time in my life. It’s hard to describe the feeling, but it’s a good one. As I sat alone in the basement of our home watching these slideshows on my website, I felt this peaceful sense of accomplishment, that I did this really challenging, wonderful thing that I’ve always wanted to do, and I actually made something of it.
When I was in fourth grade I drew a picture of a camera and said that I wanted to be a professional photographer when I grew up. I was drawn to cameras. My mom often gave us disposable cameras when we were kids, and I’d quickly fill them up with photoshoots of my friends and my pets. Developing them at Costco was like Christmas for me. Then the digital camera came out and my friend had one. I remember spending hours at her house just playing with it. It was the coolest thing to me.
When I was in middle school I spent my weekends making random videos with my friends and editing them in my free time. I still laugh when I think about them. Then high school came, and I took real photography classes. I discovered my love for photographing people and worked in a dark room developing my own film. When I was sixteen, a family friend asked me to work for him as a wedding videographer and I was introduced into the Southern California wedding world. I learned so much from that.
The summer after I graduated, my photography teacher asked me to photograph her wedding. I borrowed lenses I had never used before and felt so official and so nervous at the same time. We kept in touch through email for a number of years. I still count her a dear friend of mine.
In college I met a photography student that encouraged me to shoot what I love and to learn by practicing and designing my own shoots. In my pieces of free time I planned styled shoots for my friends and their friends, and soon word spread that I liked to take pictures. I started booking engagements, bridals, families, and others, and my passion grew along with my portfolio.
I remember sitting uncomfortably at my laptop, sketching out price lists and logos. I had never started a business before. I enlisted the help of my husband for an assistant, and took him to Las Vegas with me to learn from top professionals at a week long convention. I came home with a notebook full of ideas and took every photography opportunity that came my way. I was pushed and challenged with each one.
Then I officially established my business and quickly learned that there was so much more to running a business than just pricing and advertising. I hated all the taxes and paperwork but I learned A LOT in the process.
In January of 2012, I received a stack of bridal magazines that featured my image on the cover and a few spreads inside. It was so exciting for me. I felt like I was really doing this professional thing, and maybe I was doing alright.
In February my first child was born. I sat hours in front of my laptop as I nursed my baby, watching online photography workshops and editing for hours on end. By then I had a wedding every weekend and a few shoots in-between. Word was starting to spread.
Six months after the release of the bridal magazine, we moved to Texas for my husband’s job. Utah wedding inquires soaked my inbox, but my travel was limited. I flew back to Utah and California a few times a year for weddings and other shoots, and I liked the opportunity it gave me to visit my family.
Little by little word spread through our new friends in Texas. I photographed more families than weddings, and I got all the work I could handle. Motherhood alone was enough to keep me busy.
Three years later, we moved to a tiny town in North Dakota and I wanted to slow things down even more, maybe even take a little break from photography. Mothering two little ones was becoming more of my passion, and it never felt quite right trying to keep them busy so many hours a day while I edited and worked on my business.
The more I embraced this idea, the more it felt right for me. It felt good.
I feel like I have been gently guided in this direction for a while now, feeling inspired to pursue a few endeavors that seem to me to be weightier than others at this time in my life.
On December 29, 2015, I photographed my last wedding. It couldn’t have been a more perfect closure capturing my dear friend’s son as he sat on her lap during dinner, playing with her veil and giving her kisses. We were all so happy that day.
Someday I will probably return to doing this thing that I love, but for now I am thrilled with the privilege of full time motherhood and capturing my own loved ones full time. I have realized there are more precious things in life that I’m not able to return to.
So with teary eyes, I watched the slideshows from my website play memories of this profession that has captured my heart for so many years. I have worked so hard and learned so much, and I have made so many dear friends. It’s been a real blessing.
After I decided to take this route a few months back, I was listening to a talk by President Dieter F. Uctdorf that made me feel so good about this direction (for me.) I was thinking, “Yes! This is totally how I feel.” (Happens a lot with his talks.) So needless to say, I feel like this has been some good life rearranging for me. 🙂
He said…
“Elder Dallin H. Oaks, in a recent general conference, taught, ‘We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families.’ 2
…My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will establish the basis of a rich and fruitful mortal life with promises of eternal happiness. They will teach us to do ‘all these things … in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that [we] should run faster than [we have] strength. [But] it is expedient that [we] should be diligent, [and] thereby … win the prize.’ 7
…Brothers and sisters, diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the world.
…The heavens are open again. The gospel of Jesus Christ is on earth once more, and its simple truths are a plentiful source of joy!
Indeed we have great reason to rejoice. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most.”
Frozen Lake fhe
We drove out to one of our favorite places today. It was so strange to see this massive lake completely frozen over. It was beautiful though, and we had so much fun sliding all over it! Jake is determined to find some ice skates at a thrift store for us.
On the way home we had family home evening in the car. Sometimes I think we should always do it this way because we have Ava’s complete attention and she seems to like it too. We talked about this amazing Earth that we live on and the animals and people and how God created it all for us because He loves us so much.
We shared some of our favorite creations. Ava said she loves the butterflies and sunsets. Jake loves the mountains and I love the rivers and lakes. We all said we love the ocean.
Then Ava exclaimed, “I love blossoms! You know, in the summertime all the trees will have blossoms! That’s my favorite.”
That’s my favorite too. In the meantime, I’m grateful for Jake because he has so much good to say about winter and it rubs off on the rest of us.
Ava finished with a prayer thanking Heavenly Father for the Earth and the tigers and all the people, and we were all feeling pretty grateful right about then. #mamanotes
Twenty Minutes of Mom Life
It was 4pm and I stood at the stove squeezing packages of sausage into the soup pot, anxious to get to the bathroom to do my make-up (for the first time all week.) We were going somewhere after Jake got home from work and I was looking forward to getting ready for the evening.
From the bathroom I heard my four year old yelling to me, “Mom, why do you have so many lipsticks?” at the same time the baby was yelling for more food. I grabbed another piece of cornbread from the pan and set it on his highchair tray as I made my way to the bathroom. Ava was already in there with her bright red lips, having applied all four of the lipsticks, apparently. So I wet some toilet paper and touched it up a bit, careful not to wipe any off her lips because “then it won’t look pretty anymore.”
After a quick powder application, I ran back to the stove, stirred the meat, turned on the fan to avoid another fire alarm going off (like yesterday) and gave another piece of cornbread to Hyrum (and wondered how he is able to eat so much.) Then I ran up the stairs to put on some jeans and back down to the kitchen to get the yelling baby out of the high chair. I cleaned him up, set him on the floor with a bottle, searched for some chicken broth, and stirred the meat again.
Then, back to the bathroom where I quickly brushed on some eyeshadow while Ava looked through my make-up bag and Hyrum played with a ball on the floor. I had just started on the eyeliner when I heard Ava say, “Oh no Mom look!” She held up her hand with a tan colored glob on it (I’ll spare you the details,) and I think I just stood there for a good five seconds with my mouth open before I asked her what was sitting on the top of her fingers. “Hyrum’s poop!” she said with the same incredulous tone. We stood there for another few seconds just looking at it before we both broke out in snickers of quiet laughter, in a sort of disbelief and disgust. Fortunately we were in the bathroom with sufficient toilet paper, soap, and water, because we certainly used a lot of it. Not sure why she stuck her hand into her brother’s diaper, but I’m pretty sure she won’t do it again.
I carried Hyrum up the stairs on his stomach in search of baby wipes while Ava followed me like a shadow, hanging onto my shirt because there could be monsters downstairs and she’s going through this phase where she’s terrified of being by herself. Hyrum started crying and throwing all his weight to turn over the moment I laid him down on the changing table because apparently diaper changes are pretty terrible. I don’t care for them much either.
A few minutes later we were back downstairs where I stirred the meat for the last time and finished my eye liner. Phew!
Sure felt like an eventful twenty minutes. Fortunately, most twenty minutes aren’t all that eventful, but it’s not uncommon.
This mom life is such a thrill.
Please Keep Singing
You woke to the sound of your little brother humming and your daddy’s feet on the creaky floor. And while daddy got ready for work, you climbed up on my bed and into my lap as I sat there trying to wake up. With snowfall and darkness still outside our doors, we tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen where we shared homemade bread and bananas and laughed as your brother ate them faster than we could put them on his tray. Your little voice beamed in anticipation as I pulled the little tupperware from the top shelf of the fridge at your request. You had leftover macaroni and cheese for breakfast, and you couldn’t have been happier.
As I stood at the sink washing last night’s dishes, I watched as you carefully poured rainbow sprinkles into your little brother’s hands. He placed his palm to his mouth, then squealed in delight. He looked at you with his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised and the two of you exchanged baby noises and giggles as you repeated the things he tried to say to you. I’m sure he would tell you how much he loves playing with you and eating sprinkles with you, if he could.
You are four today, sweet Ava. You’ve been counting down each day this week until you could decorate your hello kitty cake and officially be big and brave enough to do everything you couldn’t do last year. Because being four means you can swim and so many good things. And I agree with you, because every year with you means so many good things.
Today as I watched you dance and twirl in your bright blue nightgown, waiting so patiently for your cake to cool, I smiled and thought how lucky we are to have you. That happens a lot when I watch you be you. With your sweetness and your bright spirit, you inspire joy and fun in all of us.
And you inspire goodness. Today you went skipping around the family room singing “I am a child of God,” and if there’s one thing I hope you really come to know, it’s that. Please keep singing. Know how precious you are and how much we love you!
Last year we let Ava pick out sprinkles and marshmallows and other little goodies to decorate her cake, and I honestly think that decorating her own cake was the highlight of her birthday. We decided to do that this year too (using all the leftover sprinkles from last year ) and clearly she had so much fun with it.
I had all the thoughts of “that’s too many sprinkles over there,” and “just stop there, that looks good” and “ok that’s enough artificial coloring and sugar and…,” but then I stepped back and let her do her thing because that’s what she’ll remember when it’s all over–that she decorated her cake all by herself and did it just the way she wanted it.
When she finished she exclaimed, “Oh I love my cake so much!”
So I think we’ll continue with this tradition. It’s good for all of us. 😉
You Are My Sunshine from Tamara Schellenberg on Vimeo.
I made this video for her when she was two and a half and we always love watching it. Can you see the joy this girl brings!?